I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
