when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
