Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s