So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
