she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.