Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  oh yeah... my b.

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  (248): i need a penis for penetration, you wont do. (1-248): oh yeah... my b. http://tfl.nu/ib6g
  Replies (1) Good night (826) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

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  (218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus http://tfl.nu/il4r
  Replies (12) Good night (1109) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more

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  (856): I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more http://tfl.nu/kc45
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (1896)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful

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  (805): singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful http://tfl.nu/6f81
  Replies (14) Good night (1207) Bad night (1919)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

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  (936): I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway". http://tfl.nu/2ye8
  Replies (39) Good night (964) Bad night (3411)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.

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  (305): he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me. http://tfl.nu/04rv
  Replies (32) Good night (5250) Bad night (1936)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

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  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6854) Bad night (1269)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

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  (613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line. http://tfl.nu/g6vr
  Replies (7) Good night (816) Bad night (4532)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up

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  (859): Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up http://tfl.nu/e5lq
  Replies (10) Good night (747) Bad night (1705)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.

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  (812): Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do. (812): Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this. http://tfl.nu/m912
  Replies (10) Good night (1498) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe

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  (832): He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe http://tfl.nu/uw0b
  Replies (2) Good night (1170) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.

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  (416): I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job. http://tfl.nu/hsaj
  Replies (3) Good night (648) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?

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  (407): How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong? http://tfl.nu/4ez3
  Replies (12) Good night (1225) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?

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  (262): Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush? http://tfl.nu/mk31
  Replies (13) Good night (632) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.

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  (313): 420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store. http://tfl.nu/907d
  Replies (1) Good night (853) Bad night (669)

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