I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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