I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.