Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"