So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.