So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
