she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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