I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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