Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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