you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
