Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize