Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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