He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
