Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They took my balls.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
