I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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