Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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