It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
