I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
