you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
