omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
