I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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