i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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