everyone is single if you try hard enough
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
