Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
