I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
