i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
