my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
