so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
