Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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