You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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