I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
