i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
