last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
