i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
