He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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