thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
