Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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