Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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