This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
