Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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