I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
