I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
