I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
