I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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