There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize