If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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