So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
