Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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