When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
