You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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