Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
