I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
