She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
