There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
