I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Farmville is her only friend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
