omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
