i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
