Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
