Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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