I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
