I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
