I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
