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jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
