thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
