sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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