The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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