if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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