when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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