oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize