do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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