About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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