I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
