I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
