Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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