new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
