Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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