I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
