He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
