I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
