Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
