dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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