You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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